The Girl of the Year

The interview was almost at it's end.

Jolene tried to make a quick comment for young girls, my age, about the danger of strangers and the power they offer. I didn't really pay attention.

I looked at my watch and it was already 11:50 pm, which meant it was all going to be over soon.

For as much as I tried to stay calm I really just wanted to leave her and the audience. Go home and sleep. But I had to stay until the end. Not only because it was a live show but because he was watching.

I knew he was watching. From his prison cell or from whatever the hell he was.

For all of the chaos he had me been through the past year I really couldn't let all of that go away.

Tom made me suffer more than anyone in my life. All the fights and marks I have in my body are all words of an unfinished poetry. The one I was going to end now.

The attention was drawn to me again. She started stating all of what happened to me one more time as a lecture as if her audience was dumb enough not to get it the first one hundred times she spoke.

''And back to Charlotte Weiss. A girl who literally had her life torn upside down getting involved with Thomas Entwistle who kept her as we can all say, a sexual slave for one entire year and who knows how much longer if Charlotte hadn't said ''Enough'' and went to the police. Her story is an example to millions of girls, women, men and boys who suffer from domestic violence everyday. Charlotte's acts against sexual violence have even earned her the title of ''Girl of the Year''. And the 19 year's old who suffered from all of these abused is still here with me...''

The camera went back to me again. I can't say I wasn't afraid all of the time I was sitting there. I kept thinking over and over that he could rise from the audience, grab my neck and trow me to the living hell I once was. To say I had ''overcome'' the fear of him was a pure lie. I was going to live with that fear for the rest of my life. Nothing would ever change it. No confidence in men, no confidence in women. He didn't just stole my youth, he had stolen all my life. And I was never going to forgive him. People talk about forgiveness, but nothing can be so easily given away. I knew what I've been through and forgiving him was never going to make things better. He deserved all that happened. He deserved going to jail and getting humiliated in front of hundreds of cameras, reporters and having his life over in a blick on an eye.

So when Jolene last question struck me, I felt cold inside. I wanted to smile but I couldn't, I knew that was the time I had to make him feel more mirable than me. Because if he was watching, and I knew he was watching, my words would pierce him like an arrow pierces a heart. One sentence was all I needed to put an end to it. And the interview would be over and I would be able go back to my real life.

''Charlotte. I hope your story will have and impact on all of those with the same problems to take a stand and like you say ''Enough.'' And I'm sure your words have already inspired thousands. But I want to take a moment and ask you something. After all you've been through. After all he did to you. Would you forgive him?''

All I needed. All I need to drive him mad forever. I took a time to form the words, to become the example of many, and destroy him for all of he had done. The entire audience kept their eyes and ears fixed on me. Silent as the void. Just to hear me say:

''Yes. Yes, I forgive him.''

And they all fucking believed it.